I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
