i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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