what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ok first of all what the fuck
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
