New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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