Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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