Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
