My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
