i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
