WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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