you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
