i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
