I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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