I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
