ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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