I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
