u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
