I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
