He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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