also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize