and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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