Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
