yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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