It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
