I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
