At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
