I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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