he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is this like a preordered booty call?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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