1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
