My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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