Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
