I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
