Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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