batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
