i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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