We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
