Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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