shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
