when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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