Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
