I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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