I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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