Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
