We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
