what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We need to get me chipped asap
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
