I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Drake has all the answers
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
