I wish I could teleport
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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