I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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