I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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