My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
