Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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