Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can't just leave with hair like that
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
