I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
