You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
