I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
