i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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