at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
