Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
